I have a feeling that everything is going to fall apart soon. I can feel it in me. I just know it…

First: Lately my family has been telling that:

1.       I wear too much makeup

2.       I wear dark clothes

3.       They don’t like how I tease my hair

Why can I just live my life?  My mom and dad are telling me that they want me to “wear less eye makeup” while my friends are telling me they like it. And I like it. Shouldn't that matter. Its what I want to do. It is my life. It is who I want to be. I don’t care if people make fun of me. I don’t care if I look like a hooker. I like the way I am and how I dress and how I wear my freaking makeup. My family doesn’t get that. So much for being a scene kid in a preppy family.

Second: Its guy drama…like it always is for me.

Soo you remember me say that I kinda had feelings for Logan… well I had my birthday party (by the way…IT WAS FREAKING AWESOME…beside this part…)and Logan ended up being the only guy. I kinda felt bad cause there were supposed to be three guys there but one’s and ass and didn’t want to come and the other had church. So anyway, Shawna was all over Logan. Let’s just say we were joking around saying that they needed to get a room. That’s kinda describes it well I guess. So the night went on I just tried to forget them and enjoy my night. I do admit it…even though I don’t want to…i did feel a little broken hearted for some reason. Like I don’t think I had major feelings for Logan but the feeling I felt did make me realized that I did care. So Logan left and I went upstairs to get some blankets for us and Shawna came with me. she tells me she used to have a little crush on him before and when she heard he was coming to the party she got excited to see him...(now she doesn’t know how I feel about him) so I just went along with it. This is why I don’t like relationships. I hate getting close to someone. Cause in the end I always get hurt and I know that’s normal but its hard for me to take that in and deal with it.

Third: Reminders. (Sorry this is so long.)

So family and I went to Monster Mini Golf today. And the whole time I was thinking about Jayy. Jayy and I used to hang there in the summer. I really do miss last summer. If I could go back in time and relive any part in my life it would be that summer………but if I could go back in change something then I would go to the summer before that and never have told Jayy that I liked him. So with him in my head the whole time I kinda wanted to leave. And when we did I felt a relief cause I just didn’t want to think about guys today. We went to Sunday’s after. Jayy lives behind Sunday’s. Just my luck, right? Oh well a got a Cotton Candy Shake out of it. I do miss Jayy though…with all my heart I miss him. I just want him in my life again.