Pon and Zi

Love this quote

"I cry for the time that you were almost mine,  I cry for the memories I've left behind, I cry for the pain, the lost, the old the new, I cry for the times I thought I had you"

gone forever?

I’m sad and broken hearted. I can’t stand that you like another girl. I always wanted you and only you. To see her and she how much prettier she is and how many differences there is between us is just death to my heart. You are a player. I hate you. But I can’t get over you. Why do you do this to me? I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t live without you. But you don’t want me. How am I supposed to live with myself to know that?

My picture. My quote.

I love you

I hate that I love you. I can’t stop thinking about you. Because of you, I don’t want to go out with anyone else. You are my love. You are my life. I dream about you. I never want to wake up from you. I know I’ll never have you in reality. It hurts to know that we were so close. But now we separated. People thought we were going out. It hurts to hear that. I wish you knew I still liked you. I wish I didn’t have to pretend. I wish you could love me back. I wish you could see this. I wish you knew how I felt. I hate that I love you.

new friends, old friends, & frenemies

So I’m so excited! Its vacation! Tomorrow, first tennis practice of the season (its indoor practice). There’s only one down side to that. This girl I hate is now joining tennis and knowing her, she’ll talk to me. I never gave her a fake name and I’ve never talk you about her so I’m just going to call her “Blond Bitch Fish Lips” She is so annoying she talks in this baby voice, she always brings up that she’s the one who introduced me to my favorite band. She showed me one song! That’s it one song. I look into them more. We used to be friends, but people change. Anyway, I’ll just talk to my cousin; she’s driving me there anyway. Also, tomorrow my best friend who lives in Smithfield is sleeping over :D I love it when she comes and visits it reminds me some friends will always be there no matter how far. Again I probably won’t talk about her a lot but for now I’m calling her “Vanessa” (Rowan, if your reading this…it doesn’t matter to you really, you don’t even know her in real life haha sorry) So Vanessa and I were friends since we were in daycare together with this other girl, I’m going to call her “Brooke”, it was always just the three of us. Until we went to elementary school...Vanessa moved to Smithfield, Brooke went to catholic school and I went to public school. But me and Vanessa still stay in touch but Brooke got new friends and she never has the time to hang out anymore. So…Vanessa is sleeping over and I can’t wait to see her. Also, on Wednesday, I’m getting “married” to my best friend Shawnee. I love her…and my friends. I think we are the only people who fake marry other people. And we are doing a whole wedding and everything at her house. This should be interesting ;)

I don’t know who or what to believe anymore

Ok so I told you about this rumor going around about my friend. Well it’s about Desiray. It’s gotten a lot worse. Before it was just that she peed on someone. Now it’s about her having sex and midway she broke down and started crying saying she couldn’t do it anymore and she was in the middle of an orgasm so she pissed over the guy and sat in the corner of the room and cried. Now if that’s a rumor, someone went to great lengths to create that. So now I don’t know who to believe the rumor or my friend. And she does lie a lot. Like Charlotte, Layla, and I all ways catch her in a new lies. She’s also been out for like the whole week because of it and I feel bad. It’s like the talk of the school. I’m starting to believe these rumors unless she tells me other wise and tells me the truth of what happened. But she won’t even answer my texts. I want to help her but she won’t talk to me. And when people ask me if the rumors are true, she’s still my friend if they are if they aren’t, I just say “no you’re stupid if you actually believe that” and walk away. I don’t know who to talk to about this so I’m turning to you. Comment on this if you have any suggestions on what I should do. Please. :(

Misunderstood

I don’t think my parent get me. Like my dad yelled at me just because I said “pissed-off” he says that’s not a nice word. Thing is he doesn’t know that I swear A LOT even on Facebook but I block it from him. And I get made a lot and I just want to swear at him or at my brother but I try to hold it in. Like really PISSED-OFF IS NOT A BAD WORD! Its like the word “Crap” or “Damn” I don’t find them bad. Yes maybe like “Fuck” or even maybe “Shit” or “Bitch” but really “Pissed-off”…not a bad word. Then I come home and my brother made fun of me and I slapped him on the head. And my mom says “you cant just hit people like that when you're mad” What she doesn’t know is that I fight all the time. I mean I fight with my friends but I beat up this kid once in 7^th grade because he was pissing me off. My parents really don’t know me. Like I feel like I have two separate lives.
1. When I’m around friends
2. When I’m around family
Sometime I even act different in school. I try not to though because I hate when people do that but I do admit I do it some times too

today was just not my day...

If I had to rate my day (we have to do this in Health) I would rate it a 3. 10 being best day ever 0 being the worst day ever. And I’m picking a 3. Let me start from the beginning. I went to guidance today to tell him that I’ve been having a problem with my lock on my locker and that I would be having a lock from the store on my locker until I get a new one from the school. I say this because at first I thought you could buy your own lock for your locker but I guess you cant because the janitors cant open it if they need to. Any way, I had 3^rd lunch today which was after math class and my locker is on the way to the lunch room so I never bring my lunch…I did the combination to the lock, it opened easily, I opened up my locker and put my math stuff away and closed my locker. Then I realized I forgot my lunch…now wouldn’t you think my locker would open since it worked just a few seconds ago? Nope! Its doesn’t! So it took me the whole lunch period until the janitor came and broke the NEW lock which was $6 with big pliers. I then was told that I still had to eat lunch even though the lunch was over. And since 3^rd lunch is our last lunch in our school…I sat alone while watching the lunch ladies clean off the other tables. So it was like 4^th lunch for me….which also made me late for my next class. Now I wouldn’t have mind that but I had a test that period. So right now my locker doesn’t have a lock on it. And the last time I kept the lock off…my lunch got stolen. Like I don’t care that it was my lunch. At least it wasn’t anything important like my ipod or phone or something. But on Mondays I do photography and I have an expensive camera that I put in my locker. Now if that gets stolen. Then after school we had to take a picture and we had to gather all freshman up to take this picture for the yearbook. 1) I didn’t want to take it because my skin is horrible in the winter…its dry and it brakes out with acne. So I had a huge zit for this picture for the yearbook. 2) we got yelled at by a teacher because we were too loud…even though we were after school and looking for people for the yearbook. Sorry if I want to help out. :P …bitch. Oh and there’s also a rumor going round about my friend…and it is disgusting. She didn’t come to school because of it! Its like she peed on someone? Like 1) that’s gross 2) who would believe that *actually a lot of people I guess* 3) who the hell in their right mind make up that fucked up rumor!

Staring into the darkness of my cold lonely night time room.

I know I just did a post of describing my friends not too long ago. But I can’t sleep. I haven’t been sleeping. Last night I went to bed at 2:00 in the morning. I wasn’t texting anyone…I wanted too…but I thought everyone would be asleep. And I know it’s not late…its only like 11:00 but I mean I didn’t sleep at all last night and if I don’t sleep tonight…I don’t know…well I have school tomorrow and that’s what I’m nervous about…I hate being tired in school. It’s also Valentine’s Day tomorrow…the day that reminds me of how lonely I am. I’m 14...15 in like two months (I say its close enough) and yet no boyfriend…nope not one. There is only two guys I like…one is a 20 year old who is gay and in my favorite band and the other is Jayy. I hate to admit it but…I think I love him. I want to spend my whole life with him. I would do anything to protect him. He wants to go into the army…I will be there right beside him to make sure no one will try to hurt him. But if only he would feel the same way in return. The thing I didn’t tell you guys is that…he’s a man whore. He had SO MANY girlfriends. And me…not one boyfriend. He kissed soo many girls…I haven’t had my first. It gets worse to. I hate thinking about it. I hate thinking about him. It hurts me when I think of him. But when I talk to him it’s a whole different story. I feel alive. Like my heart is whole again and once he leaves to talk to a prettier, more popular…skinnier…girl than me. I just want to cry. The worst part is pretending I don’t like him. We wrestle a lot and when…well that I’ll keep to myself. ;) So I told you I would tell you why we have grown apart…I blame high school. The summer before high school started…he was over practically every day. It made my world to see him every day. We would sit around the fire in my back yard with my other friends and I felt like this was meant to be just me and him. Then high school came and…no classes together…he has new friends…he likes other girls. I’m just left to suffer. In 8^th grade we used to stay up till 1:00 on school days just texting each other. Now I’m left awake to talk to no one. It’s like a fairy tale gone bad. I want my happy ending. </3

Like they say, "you can't live with them but you can't live without them"

Ok, so I know it’s been a while since I’ve done a post. And truthfully, just to let you know, it’s probably going to be that way. I usually am pretty busy a lot, between friends, family, and school. And lately I’ve been wanting alone time and been like hiding myself in my room.  Anyway, my last post I said I would tell you about my friends. I’m going to put it in list form so it’s easier to read and you can refer to this post to find out who I’m talking about. Now I don’t think I’m popular, I’m really odd. I hate when people do this but its true…people just talk to be if there is no one else around. Whatever I can care less on how popular I am cause most popular people’s friends are backstabbers :P so HA to them! Ok friend description time! YAY!

My main friends (people I talk to a lot and care about a lot)

Rowan: I think she is the sweetest person ever and I love her for that! Because I can get angry really fast but she keeps me calm. And when she’s mean…it makes me laugh because I agree with what she says J she listens to a lot of music like me and we can agree on most of the songs we listen to together. She is an amazing singer…I wish I had her voice (jealous) truthfully we weren’t that close until this year. We are like best friends now YAY! (She also has a blog. She is the person who got me interested in this)

Prou: I think of her as the smart on in our group. If you look at me and her together you probably wouldn’t think we would be friends… I think we are kinda opposite from each other not really though just that she is really smart and I’m not. But she love MCR and I love BOTDF and like they are to total different bands but we freak out about the same things. And that’s where we understand each other. I would do anything for her. I love her she is one of those friends that don’t take your bull shit :D I love her like a sis.

Shawnee: no words can describe her. She is just…hmmm…ummm…wild? I don’t even know what to say about her. She is like me…we are crazy when we hang out. We fight each other like I bite her…she punches me…so on and so forth. Me and her LOVE horror movies. Whenever we have a sleep over, no doubt about it…we will watch a horror movie. I usually go to her when I have guy problems, she helps me through them.

Regular friends

Desiray: she has been my friend for a while now. We live near each other…maybe a mile walk apart. We took the same bus and I think that’s how we became close. We both did gymnastics…not together though...she was and still is better than me so she was in a higher class. I call her my “Tall Blonde” and it kinda describes why I do in  it. And if you’re stupid it’s because she’s tall…and blonde. Lately though I feel like we weren’t as close as we used to be. We walk home together sometimes and we do photography together but lately... I feel like we are spreading apart.

Charlotte: we met in 8^th grade she was new and I and Desiray  talked to her on the bus. But again she is just like Desiray, we’ve been growing apart. She lives down the street from me and we used to hang out all the time. But since high school she seemed to change. Truthfully I think it’s the guys because it’s always been about the guys to her :/

Shawna: we had home room together in 8^th grade and we both love to draw…we would have fights in home room saying “you’re so good at drawing. I wish I was as good as you” and she would say “no your better I love that picture your way better” we would always go back and forth. And when MCAS came we would pass notes to each other I thought it was funny. But she went to a different school…but we  still hang out. Truthfully i think she is really pretty…I don’t care if I say that I’m her friend and I told her that. But like she I envy her body and she has like flawless skin. I wish I had that. I’m like a plum short and chubby (I’m not saying I’m fat…i said chubby) But recently she told me something that shocked me and even though you don’t know me or whatever it may be. I WILL NOT SAY!  :x   ß lips are sealed

Layla: she’s the whore in the group and I love her any way. We went to a Bon Jovi concert together and since that we promised to always stay friends, and we have. I have only one class with her but it doesn’t matter we still talk anyway. She’s had so many boyfriends that truthfully I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT! I can’t even get one like really. We met last year in 8^th grade. We had the same class together and we used to sing in math class all the time with Shawnee. It was so funny cause the kid I like was in that class too and he would just look at us like “what the hell is wrong with you” J she also introduced me to Logan.

Logan: he’s a sweet guy and all…but he’s not my type and the only reason I’m starting off with that is because my friends are trying to get me and him together and I don’t like him. I feel bad because I don’t know if he likes me but I don’t like him. He’s funny we joke around a lot…we weren’t really friends until this year. We were in the same class in 8^th grade and this year we have 3 classes together. He’s more friends with Layla though than me.

Jayy: hmm…Jayy…I’ve like him since 7^th grade. I asked him out in the summer time of 7^th going into 8^th. Ok let me summarize this. In 7^th grade I only knew him because we were on the same bus. And I always thought he was cute and really funny. So I got Prou to get his # for me because I didn’t really talk to him and she was in the same class as him that year. Soo I thought we were flirting a lot and he always asked me if I liked him…I always ignored it. So summer comes along and I got the guts to ask him out because I  really thought we had something…I was wrong. He turned me down and I was left heart broken. 8^th grade comes along…first day of school after that horrible summer. Guess what…he’s in my class. (now in middle school I looked like shit…I had braces, my hair was never straight and was puffy all the time…I didn’t wear any makeup, I had horrible acne, and I wore like guy clothes. So I now understand why he probably said no) soo long story sort…we are like best friends…well not any more (that will be a different post) he thinks I’m over him and I’m not :’(

These are not their real names...and I'm sorry this is long. I'm just trying to give you a discription about people I am goin to talk about. Some people might not be in here that I might mention. I'm sorry I'm not summarizing everyone I know

WTF? Why so long?

Hello, person. First I would like to start off by saying that Scarlet is not my real name. If you don't mind I would like to keep my identity to myself. I’m 14 turning15 in April. I'm not the type of person how tell my friends everything...unless it major...or something I need help with. But I do have a problem with saying things out loud that I just actually meant to think it. I'm kinda a bitch to people...and some time to my friends. And if you’re my friend who is reading this…I’m sorry if I have ever been a bitch to you…I kinda can’t help it. Ok, ok…I’m getting off track here. Anyway, I just wanted to express my feelings and how I look at the world throw my eyes to people who ever wanted to actually know what I think about when I’m day dreaming in class. I guess I should tell you about me. Well you already know that I can be a bitch to people but I’m not always a bitch. I can love too. I love my friends and I love my family. (I’ll talk about them more some other time. This post I’m just going to get you to know me.) I don’t think I could live with out my friends. They are really like my whole life! Umm for my family…my mom and dad are divorced and I have a brother too. Soo…what else it there to talk about…wellll….I love art…I always wanted to be an artist…maybe I’ll put pictures of some things I draw on here. What else…..I listen to a lot of music…I have my iPod with all the time…I mostly to Electronic and Dance though. Blood On The dance Floor is my favorite band hands down…I love them with all my heart. They actually helped me through a little depression that I was going through. They taught me about how not to listen to what other people say about me. If I’m pretty or not…people can just go fuck themselves. J I actually saw them in concert once and…I died…I’m in love with one of the singers…and I met him AHH! ♥ Hmmmm….well is there anything else…my favorite color is blue. What else is there….ohm for sports wise…yea…I really don’t to shit…I play tennis though. I’m a fast runner nut I hate running and I cant run long distances so I don’t like sports with a lot of running involved. If you haven’t noticed…or haven’t even thought about it…I have not boy friend…or I probably would of brought him up by now. Yep I’m a 14 year old girl how had never had a boy friend yet…I say this because lately girls are just sluts. But there is a guy I like. I liked him since 7^th grade…the worst part is…he’s my best friend and I have to pretend not to like him when I'm around him which is hard for me. I’ll talk more about him and other people later…this is pretty long…you’ll get to know me more through out my posts…I mean if you actually even read this far…maybe you just got bored and stopped reading and left…oh well…bye Mofo! ♥♥