Staring into the darkness of my cold lonely night time room.

I know I just did a post of describing my friends not too long ago. But I can’t sleep. I haven’t been sleeping. Last night I went to bed at 2:00 in the morning. I wasn’t texting anyone…I wanted too…but I thought everyone would be asleep. And I know it’s not late…its only like 11:00 but I mean I didn’t sleep at all last night and if I don’t sleep tonight…I don’t know…well I have school tomorrow and that’s what I’m nervous about…I hate being tired in school. It’s also Valentine’s Day tomorrow…the day that reminds me of how lonely I am. I’m 14...15 in like two months (I say its close enough) and yet no boyfriend…nope not one. There is only two guys I like…one is a 20 year old who is gay and in my favorite band and the other is Jayy. I hate to admit it but…I think I love him. I want to spend my whole life with him. I would do anything to protect him. He wants to go into the army…I will be there right beside him to make sure no one will try to hurt him. But if only he would feel the same way in return. The thing I didn’t tell you guys is that…he’s a man whore. He had SO MANY girlfriends. And me…not one boyfriend. He kissed soo many girls…I haven’t had my first. It gets worse to. I hate thinking about it. I hate thinking about him. It hurts me when I think of him. But when I talk to him it’s a whole different story. I feel alive. Like my heart is whole again and once he leaves to talk to a prettier, more popular…skinnier…girl than me. I just want to cry. The worst part is pretending I don’t like him. We wrestle a lot and when…well that I’ll keep to myself. ;) So I told you I would tell you why we have grown apart…I blame high school. The summer before high school started…he was over practically every day. It made my world to see him every day. We would sit around the fire in my back yard with my other friends and I felt like this was meant to be just me and him. Then high school came and…no classes together…he has new friends…he likes other girls. I’m just left to suffer. In 8^th grade we used to stay up till 1:00 on school days just texting each other. Now I’m left awake to talk to no one. It’s like a fairy tale gone bad. I want my happy ending. </3